Trying to write. Words aren't coming easy and I have rewritten this blog at least three times. Giving up and crying over so many emotions and thoughts roiling through me. The best way to express how I am feeling is to just quote, and so I shall.

“I truly believe that the world would be a better place if we all acted from a place of love. If we believed that it’s possible for us, without having to feel we’re incomplete without a romantic partner. If we all know that someone, somewhere, loves us for exactly who we are right now, as is. And of course loving ourselves, and trusting that while we may not be perfect today, we’re trying and learning and growing, up until the very last breath we take.”

~ Gabrielle Boulaine

“Please. Take it from an girl who’s already half-angel. Do. Not. Wait. If you don’t start today, get up, walk out that door, and change your life to the best it can be, then when? Are you hearing me? Don’t’ wait for that moment, when you almost lose your life. Don’t you dare waste your time. I’ll be watching. Whether from the front row or somewhere a little higher. I’ve got your wings. The only price is letting go of your irrational fears. I’m keeping them right here for you. Come find them.”

~ Gabrielle Bouliane

http://www.adugansmiles.com/A_Dugan_Smiles/Poems/Entries/2010/1/19_Life_Sentence_by_Gabrielle_Boulaine.html

I am always coming across them. Finding them in the most unexpected places...

I went for a walk several days ago, the Worm and A stayed behind in the apartment. I was in a foul mood, restless, and going stir-crazy trapped in the apartment with the sun shining so delectably outside. So I threw on a sweater and my walking shoes, and went for a walk by myself. There is a probably four acre lot full of native live oaks, some brush, piles of rock, and piles of mulch right next to our apartment building. Yet another reason why I adore our place. Within about twenty yards from our front door, all this wild space. It's really between us and another busy road, so it's not completely wild or secluded, but it's just big enough to spend a good hour or two with the kiddo outside exploring instead of just sitting around indoors all the time. It's also full of fallen dry wood that I bundle up with A's belts and carry home. Firewood can be so expensive, and here is a free source right outside our home, just waiting for someone to come and get it. Awesome exercise, too, carrying all that stuff up to the second floor apartment.



On these delicious days when the sun is shining so warm and the air is a cool sixty degrees it's a delight to have right outside our door. Anyway....there I was on my walk, listening to the birds, feeling the cool air (it was probably in the forties) burning in my lungs, hearing the crunch of my footsteps in the dead overgrown grasses and brush, and I found something amazing. Wild space everywhere, the brush got thicker, I stepped around a tree, and a labyrinth came into my sight. I felt an immediate sense of peace and respect, mingled with joy of discovery. No, it's not some forgotten place that someone built decades or generations ago, it's actually built on a wild bit of a church near our place, but I'd never known it was there. And the minute that I had discovered it I couldn't see any other buildings, I couldn't hear the roads. All around me was trees and brush, and the puzzle of this labyrinth right in the middle of it. I took my little walk around the path, to the middle, and sat on one of the boulders there, feeling the tension and restlessness just sinking away...felt like it was oozing out of the soles of my feet into the ground below me. As if the labyrinth itself was a poultice that drew out the heat of my repellent mood.



This is the second labyrinth I've felt privileged to discover in the past few years. I think it's amazing that my newest home is within a decent little 7-8 minute walk of this special place. And I know now that no matter where I live, I always will want to have one near.

Today I shared where it is with A and the Worm, he had fun walking the path, and when his little feet completed the path and found the center, he went directly to the same boulder (there is a choice of three) that I had when I first found the place. That made me smile.

TRF 2009, Scottish Highland weekend, and Peter Pan (the Worm) finally was tall/heavy enough to bounce over 20 feet into the air! I loved his laughs, lots of joy, a little fear, and very entertaining!

On this date in:

1787 The Constitutional Convention in Philadelphia began to debate a draft of the U.S. Constitution.

1806 The Holy Roman Empire went out of existence as Emperor Francis I abdicated.

1825 Bolivia declared its independence from Peru.

1890 Convicted murderer William Kemmler became the first person to be executed in the electric chair as he was put to death at Auburn State Prison in New York.

1890 Hall of fame pitcher Cy Young made his major league debut with the Cleveland Spiders of the National League.

1914 Austria-Hungary declared war against Russia, and Serbia declared war against Germany at the outbreak of World War I.

1926 Warner Brothers premiered its "Vitaphone" sound-on-disc movie system in New York.

1926 Gertrude Ederle of New York became the first American woman to swim the English Channel.

1962 Jamaica became an independent dominion within the British Commonwealth.

1965 President Lyndon B. Johnson signed the Voting Rights Act.

1965 The album "Help!" by the Beatles was released.

1978 Pope Paul VI died at Castel Gandolfo in Italy at age 80.

1984 The album "Purple Rain" by the Prince was released.

1997 British Prime Minister Tony Blair shook hands with Sinn Fein president Gerry Adams in the first meeting in 76 years between a British leader and the IRA's allies.

1998 Former White House intern Monica Lewinsky spent 8 1/2 hours testifying before a grand jury about her relationship with President Bill Clinton.

1998 A House committee voted to cite Attorney General Janet Reno for contempt of Congress for her refusal to turn over reports recommending that she seek an independent counsel to investigate campaign fund-raising.

2006 12:32 AM after almost 21 hours of back labor with no drugs my son Elijah was finally born! And even though we don't celebrate birthdays I still take pride in the wonderful child A and I created and have raised.  He is my life, and has already saved mine several times over.  

..................................................................................................................

I find it very exciting to think that in two year's time my boy and I are going to be school supply shopping! Scary but very exciting.

From the Writer's Almanac:

Ben

by David Budbill

Ah, you three women whom I have loved in this
long life, along with the few others.
And the four I may have loved, or stopped short
of loving. I wander through these woods
making songs of you. Some of regret, some
of longing, and a terrible one of death.
I carry the privacy of your bodies
and hearts in me. The shameful ardor
and the shameless intimacy, the secret kinds
of happiness and the wal1ed-up childhoods.
I carol loudly of you among trees emptied
of winter and rejoice quietly in summer.
A score of women if you count love both large
and small, real ones that were brief
and those that lasted. Gentle love and some
almost like an animal with its prey.
What is left is what's alive in me. The failing
of your beauty and its remaining.
You are like countries in which my love
took place. Like a bell in the trees
that makes your music in each wind that moves.
A music composed of what you have forgotten.
That will end with my ending.

It was on this day in 1945 that the United States dropped an atomic bomb on the city of Hiroshima, Japan.

On August 5, the bomb was loaded onto a specially designed B-29 bomber. It contained 2.2 pounds of uranium. The bomb was dropped over Hiroshima at 8:15 a.m. It exploded 1,900 feet above the ground. Capt. Robert Lewis watched the explosion from his cockpit and wrote in his journal, "My God, what have we done?" About 80,000 people died instantly, and 60,000 more would die from their injuries in the coming months.

Alfred, Lord Tennyson (one of my all time favorite authors) was born 200 years ago today in Lincolnshire, England (1809). He's one of the most popular English-language poets ever. It was Tennyson who first penned "'Tis better to have loved and lost / Than never to have loved at all" and the phrase "Theirs not to reason why, / Theirs but to do and die." He also wrote, "My strength is as the strength of ten, / Because my heart is pure."

Tennyson's famous lyric poems include "Break, break, break," "Tears, idle tears" and "Crossing the Bar."

One of Tennyson's most anthologized pieces is "The Lady of Shalott," a melodramatic Victorian ballad drawing on myths and legends associated with King Arthur. The poem enjoyed a pop culture resurgence after it was recited at length in the 1985 Anne of Green Gables television movie.

Many consider Tennyson's masterpiece to be "In Memoriam A.H.H." He started writing the elegy in 1833 after his friend Arthur Hallam had a cerebral hemorrhage and died suddenly. Tennyson was grief-stricken, melancholy by nature, and on the verge of suicide. Hallam was Tennyson's closest friend: The two met as undergraduates at Cambridge at a meeting of a literary club on campus, "The Apostles." They had traveled together through out Europe, and some scholars speculate that their relationship was more than platonic. Eventually, Hallam had become engaged to his Tennyson's sister.

In his great grief, Tennyson wrote a poem, "In Memoriam A.H.H.," in which he questioned the tenets of faith, morality, and immortality. He wrote: "Who trusted God was love indeed / And love Creation's final law – / Tho' Nature, red in tooth and claw / With ravine, shriek'd against his creed." And, "There lives more faith in honest doubt, believe me, than in half the creeds.

It wasn't until 1850 that he published the poem, 17 years after Hallam's death. The year 1850 marked a watershed for Tennyson in many ways. That year, he was appointed poet laureate of England, succeeding William Wordsworth. Tennyson would keep the position for 42 years, till his death in 1892, the longest by far that anyone ever held that post.

And that year, 1850, he married Emily Sellwood, whom he had known since his childhood. He later said, "The peace of God came into my life when I wedded her." He and Emily named their first son Hallam Tennyson after his friend Arthur Hallam, for whom he'd written the great poem.

To celebrate the bicentenary of Tennyson's birth this year, there are a number of planned events, including guided walks in the villages he grew up in, poetry readings, an art exhibition, "Tennyson Transformed," a Country Dance at Alford with music of Tennyson's era, and the Tennyson Society's Conference at the University of Lincoln.

The Worm is going to be three years old in three days. Ever since he started crawling the time has begun to fly past like you wouldn't believe. Like I was recently saying to a friend, the time crawled by until he began to. Now it's flying. Doesn't help that I've been so incredibly busy lately with swim lessons, moving to town, unpacking, and trying to keep house. I had two loads of laundry sitting in baskets waiting to be folded and put away for a week. Never do that. I like to get things done, organized, and out of the way so that my mind can do the same.

Tomorrow marks my first day working at the Good Earth Day School, I'll be there for 25 hours a week beginning in September but until then I'm filling in when they need me. I'm excited about it, the place is pretty awesome. NEVER thought I'd be working at a preschool/daycare, but I really believe in what they are about. http://www.goodearthschool.com/curriculum/curriculum.htm
I'm really excited to learn something new and observe how the place is run other than what I have seen already. This is the school that I'm renting the pool I'm working in currently from, so I've seen and worked with the owners a bit. I've always wanted to indulge my dreams of inspiring young lives, perhaps this will be a part of that. Maybe this work will help me get out of my own mind for a while, as it's been pretty tumultuous lately. I know I've not been the most agreeable person to live with, I feel like I'm retreating into a little shell sometimes. Ah, stress.

I have been wishing pretty fervently tonight that I could take one of my dad's sailboats to the coast and disappear for a few months/years. Maybe sail to the UK instead of fly, right? Sail across the Gulf of Mexico, take a break in the Keys, then around Florida, north along the coast of the states, making little stops here and there to refuel/get provisions. Then further north, until I hit Prince Edward Island in Canada, restock massively, then make the trek across the great Atlantic to Ireland, then to Scotland. *sigh* One can dream, can't they? Wouldn't take any more than a few months, and then I could sell the boat at the docks and have enough to backpack through Scotland. When I ran out of money I could then send for tickets back to Austin, full of enough to write a BOOK on my adventures. Maybe once the Worm is in school and won't miss me as much I could make the fantasy a reality.

Will give "More to Love" a try tonight, not much into reality shows but it looks somewhat intriguing. Toodles.

I was reminded tonight of how much a certain person has meant to me in the past year and a half. Honestly, with all the work and training before that, trying to be a mum, trying to figure out how to be a companion/wife, or how to not be, I find myself forgetting someone who was a great comfort and fascinating friend for a time. A's boss' wife Sherri's dad. While I was not working and before I went through my training to become a Certified ISR Instructor I was his daytime companion. I got there to his place and the whole time (7-8+ hours) we would sit and chat, about his upbringing, about his place in the second World War, about his passions. He was the youngest of three children, and the only boy. Born in 1915 (I think), right after the first great war began, he was raised to help the family with their farming and little shop, which nowadays would be likened to a convenience store. I don't know if they ever sold gasoline, but their shop was a staple for the community around them and when the Great Depression hit his mom made sure that her own children were fed, but also tried to help every family that came to them with hungry little ones. His father died of tuberculosis when he was young, leaving the mom to care for the shop, the farm, and three little ones without any other help. When he was still very little, under the age of ten, he contracted TB and almost died of it. He is still contagious, I mean, that's the way "consumption" works, which honestly unnerved me when I began taking my son over to keep him company, but I trusted that he was healthy and wasn't too worried. And with modern medicine what it is, I knew that everything was going to be okay in that department.

He wanted to be a pilot. To fly bombers in the second World War. But when he applied to the Air Force and went in for tests he knew he was JUST over the line of being too old. So he lied. And that caught up to him. As a punishment, even though I am sure he was a great pilot, he was assigned to be a navigator. So he'd sit in the seat, managing the electronics, telling the pilot if they were off course, and I'm sure was seething the entire time, wishing he were flying instead of stuck in a dark corner of the plane. More about this later...

Every time I'd see him at Sherri's, he'd take my hand like someone grabbing a lifeline. Those eyes dulled by cataracts would brighten, the lips would soften and lift into a smile, and he'd greet me with a whole enthusiastic heart. I suppose that's what old age can do to you, when you don't remember the day-to-day details, the little surprises you knew were coming but had forgotten about become your light. I'd spend HOURS visiting with him, then cook him a meal that would be enough for the family when they got home for work. Honestly, my thought was that his eyesight was failing, as was his hearing. The least I could do was make sure his palate was pleased. So I'd make comfort foods, fried chicken, a pot of beans with thick bacon, stew, chili, and hope that when I wasn't there that evening I'd shine through to him and his family by what I had made. He was always so very thankful to have someone cook for him.

When I had to leave for the day I was happy to get back to routine but sad to leave him. He'd quote "Romeo and Juliet" about how parting was such sweet sorrow, and then start singing Sinatra to me. Every evening I wanted to stay. But I had a family, a son that had been cooped up with me and an old gentleman, and all Lige wanted to do was run and play. I don't think Sherri knows how hard it was for me to pull my hand away after being serenaded and walk out that door.

Now I've been so busy, so taken aback by my own life and troubles that I haven't been to see him in probably six months. I loathe to think of his deterioration, of his aging. This man had been independent and functioning on his own before he turned 93. Now after a stroke he's gone downhill quickly. And I know that my hand can be to him what it was in the beginning, a lifeline. So tonight I compile that guilt and regret I've already been working through about my own stinking life and add in the regret that I haven't been to see my old friend, to let him talk about his youth, to let him sing Sinatra to me as I walk out the door. I miss him. I hope he feels and knows.

Yes, I have been. More students now than ever, and though I make it back home by 3ish every day, I still have at least one hour worth of work online to maintain schedules, communicate with parents, etc. My life is one big cycle of children fussing (most are in their first two weeks, NORMAL) and parents needing to be consoled. Kind of draining emotionally, but I feel like I'm getting used to it, really, and the students I have now are progressing quicker than any other group I've had so far.

The Worm has had his first few days of preschool type activities, and LOVES it. While I'm teaching at the Good Earth Day School he goes with the children his age in the classes. Yes, that means that he only gets two and a half hours (or so) of time to learn and participate, which I know that he'd love to be all day. Such a friendly guy. When I took him the first day, he just ran off and joined in the outdoor activities straightaway, while I giggled at his eagerness and finished filling out his paperwork. I really like the way the school runs, everything they serve the kiddos is organic or grown right on the School grounds. The little ones help in the garden, and there are farm animals in a petting zoo type area. Most of their time is spent out of doors under the trees, learning in a natural setting. I love it. Used to read about new schooling techniques in which the classrooms were in the woods, rain or shine. And how much more a child can learn when in a natural setting, how much more grounded and calm they are.

Can't wait for this weekend, though I'm sure that on the way home I'm going to be asking myself why I do this every year. Driving up to Arlington for the Texas Scottish Festival Saturday, leaving early and driving back the same night. Kristen, poor dear, is almost 36 weeks pregnant, so I know she's missing out this year, but next year she'll have a little one to tag along. Lena is planning on coming, and this will be her first time, I hope that she enjoys it. The Fest is actually much smaller than a Ren Faire, but there is quite a lot to do. I end up most of the time wandering around on my own, going to the vendors, seeing what new things are being offered, and then when it gets too warm, finding the tent that Ed Miller is at and sitting in the shade for a bit to cool off. The music is what makes it all worthwhile, I'll tell you. That and getting to know the regulars. Don't know if there is going to be whiskey tasting this year, but for the past six at least there has been. Nice way to cool down in an air conditioned room and sit for a bit while salivating over the speaker's Scottish brogue. Walking into the room, though, is like entering a distillery. The fumes from each little taster of whiskey (4-5 per person) can make you a little wobbly after being in the heat of the sun and having a beer or two. That's before even tasting the stuff. I like it so much simply because we get a taste of quality Scotch that I'd not be able to afford otherwise. That and the Highland games, kilts running around everywhere, fun jewelry, dancing competitions, the day keeps you busy.

Been feeling a bit raw lately. Relationship stuff that's honestly nobody's business and that I will NOT go into detail here has left me with my heart alternating between vulnerability and being worn on my sleeve to protecting itself and hardening again. Roller coaster ride I want to either smooth out or get off of altogether. Honestly, if I had the money and the time, I'd buy a one way ticket to the moors of Northern England and have my explorations and adventures. Only thing that's keeping me here is the Worm of course, and my course of classes that I can't just abandon. Saving pretty aggressively, though, so sooner rather than later my trip I've been dreaming of for the past 15 years will happen. Sometimes (often) wish I was a man, though, traveling alone is therapeutic but ultimately dangerous for a woman. If I were just an average joe it'd be so much easier. Fade into the background. Guess "fading" is exactly what I need right now. But I'm strong, giving birth without any drugs after a grueling 20 hours of back labor proved it. And just like I had to keep telling myself when I was out of my mind with the pain and intensity, "this too shall pass". Just as I knew I couldn't be in labor forever, that it would end sometime soon. And it was worth it. I know that life is a mass of good and bad. "Without the bitter, baby, the sweet ain't as sweet." I suppose we all spend our entire lives learning about who we are and what we want, what is valuable, how to protect ourselves, what we can handle and what we cannot. It's a process that is humbling.

Enough rambling. Time to shower, slather on a few layers of sunscreen, get into a bathing suit and get ready to teach in Lakeway. Water was FAR too cold in Leander this morning, as it rained last night and we didn't get any sun yesterday. But the pool in Lakeway is warmer, so I'm not worried about that location.

Until next time.

Thankfully, potty training the Worm went by relatively quickly. That is, took around two months until there was no accidents and no diapers, even at night. I credit A and my mom for this, to tell you the truth. I had never realized how stressful potty training could be. Hard on me, yes, for having to keep constantly aware of when he last went, and for having to clean up messes, but also hard on Wormy boy as he had to keep aware, too. I think that with boys it helps a lot to have Daddy help out, and thankfully I didn't have to do it alone. If that were the case, I think he'd still be in diapers, or half in half out. As it is, he hasn't worn one for months. (YAY!)

So fast forward to four or five mornings ago. A was out of town on work, and I was single-parenting for several days. I woke up in the morning around 8 or so, and went in to wake Stinker. Opened his bedroom door, and stepped into the dark dark room (put black-out blinds on the window so that it'd remain dark and he'd nap better), and immediately put my right foot smack in the middle of the biggest pee-puddle I've seen. At first I thought that the fish tank was leaking, but nope, no leaks. The Worm had gotten up, pulled down his undies, and peed on the bedroom door in the middle of the night, then pulled his pants back up, and got back into bed. I haven't encouraged his learning how to use the doorknobs and open the door, as I want him to stay in his room if I put him in there, but I suppose now is the time. That, or I just need to pay special attention to his liquid intake before he goes to bed. Which I thought I always had anyway.

I got him to help me clean up the mess, sprayed down the floor with Lysol, and did some laundry. Oh, the joys of motherhood.

I think I'll try to get back in touch with my first passionate love affair. Poetry. Can't/won't live without it, but have let things get in the way for, well, some time now. A (semi) daily post of my own work or other's is in order.  Some old favorites, some newly found.

"I Am Not Yours"

I am not yours, not lost in you,
Not lost, although I long to be
Lost as a candle lit at noon,
Lost as a snowflake in the sea.

You love me, and I find you still
A spirit beautiful and bright,
Yet I am I, who long to be
Lost as a light is lost in light.

Oh plunge me deep in love -- put out
My senses, leave me deaf and blind,
Swept by the tempest of your love,
A taper in a rushing wind.

Sarah Teasdale

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I made an impulse purchase of some great tickets to a Round Rock Express game this afternoon.  Elijah was far too excited at the thought of going when I asked him if he'd like to  see some baseball.  Guess I could have just tossed a ball around with him outside instead, but it's going to be a beautiful afternoon for it.  Now that he's getting older I think we'll do this more often. 

A bit dull-witted this morning.   Had too much wine last night while I lay in bed reading.  Great way to spend an evening though. 

I know, yet again, I've been neglecting my duties. Getting busy at the pool can do that to a lady. Getting sick didn't help, either, though I recovered quickly. (Giggling at the tickle torture I'm hearing in the next room....such a cute little laugh the Worm has!) I haven't been sick enough to get a fever for some time, so I'd forgotten how much it can take out of a person. Makes me all the more forgetful, too, which isn't something abnormal for me, I've got the memory of the furthest thing from an elephant. Shrew? Mouse? Garden spider? As most of my readers know, it's as if I've been going senile since I was ten. Frustrating for me and anyone involved.

It's amazing to me how draining my job is. I ADORE it, every day is a new challenge with each child's individual skill set and need, sometimes they regress a little and I have to find out why, sometimes they make HUGE strides forward in their learning a new technique and reward me with pride in their accomplishments and wide grins. It is so very satisfying to be able to look forward to each day in the water, knowing that I will NEVER get bored with this job. I'm blessed. But, then, it's emotionally and mentally draining to be disliked (at least for the first few days) and fussed/cried/screamed at, sometimes even pinched, etc. Even if the children aren't upset and love what they are learning in the water, I must be eyes-on at every moment, watching every little movement of the arms, legs, head, the breathing, and catch bad habits right when they begin, before they are "chained" into the sequence that I'm looking for. That and the hour (45 mins if there isn't a lot of traffic) drive to and from the pool, and by the time I get home (having gotten up at six that morning) I'm pooped. But I still wouldn't want to do anything else at this point in my life!

Today after the morning swim session I went to the first annual "April Pools Day" at the Dell Diamond in Round Rock. http://www.wcchd.org/apd.htm It was pretty informative, and hopefully the event will grow as the years go by. I'm not sure if many media actually made it there, but I hope that the message gets out about water safety and awareness. Julie, the ISR Instructor in Georgetown, the Worm, and I got to speak to several people. One was a sweet grandmotherly type in vivid red who came up and spoke about how much she believes in what we do, with tears in her eyes. Next thing I know, she's up at the microphone welcoming the media and participants, turns out she's Judge Judy Hobbs, JP, Pct 4 http://www.wilcogov.org/CountyDepartments/JusticeCourts/JusticeofthePeacePct4/tabid/492/language/en-US/Default.aspx It was an honor to meet her, and to be able to chat a bit about something we share a passion for, preventing childhood drowning. The highlight was getting to see a mock drowning and rescue, complete with CareFlite flying into the parking lot in a gorgeous yellow and black yellow-jacket of a helicopter. The Worm had a great time after the demo was over, as we got to go up and "pet" the helicopter and speak to the pilots.

So, drowning statistics from last Summer (I was wrong on some of these, just not well informed until this afternoon), provided by the Dell Children's Center:

-Drowning remains the second leading cause of accidental death in Texas for children under the age of 14.
-Last year, there were 36 aquatic incidents involving children.
-31 of those incidents were near drownings.
-5 fatalities.
-The majority of these incidents were due to lack of parental supervision.

In all, this is Wednesday, and it's been an exhausting week. I look forward to my next two days in the pool, and then a lazy Saturday morning, then spending the afternoon with Kristen and her family and their Pampered Chef party!

By the way, Kristen, I know you read this.....I read yours every day, too, and love it, though I may not comment all the time! I can't WAIT to see you, it's been sooo long! Come swim with me!

A time of forsythia
When people mythia
And want to be wythia
And maybe kythia

-The Insomniac (March 1989), Llovable Lloyd's Poems

I know it's goofy, but it made me giggle...

Man, it's been a while since I've attended to my blog at all. Getting on FaceBook will do that to you, though, I've heard. Just such an easy way to network and keep up with family, my blog kind of became obsolete. The Worm went to bed last night with a fever, slept just fine, but woke up soooooo thirsty this morning. And very grumpy. And clingy. Which means typing around a cuddly little one who just wants to be held. It's okay, done it before. Last night we took him to a place in the mall where he could run around, bounce on inflatable play things, and get worn out. The two hours went by quickly, thank goodness. I always bring a book, and A runs around with the Stinker and plays, this time we had a friend from the congregation meet us there with her little boy Grant, he's almost a year older than the Worm. They had a great time running and bouncing, and I had a wonderful time visiting with Grant's mom. We're close in age, and she is so kind and soft-spoken, and a great example to single moms out there.

This weekend was CRAZY. Saturday was the boy's party, all the kids dressed up as superheroes, there were probably ten kids there with their parents. It was a wonderful way to wear out a toddler! I wanted to make the Worm a Peter Pan costume, but didn't give myself enough time to make it. I can sew, yes, but NOT without a pattern! I'll make him one soon. I did do a PP hat, though it looks kind of crappy, but he doesn't care, he wears it anyway. And poo to those who may say Peter Pan isn't a superhero. He can fly and he's a hero, that's good enough.

Sunday was another insane day, we had my good friend from when I was little visit with her twin 3 year olds and 7 year old. She also brought her hubby, who shares a lot of interests with mine, so they hit it off talking about smart home tech and cable installations. Very exciting. Then we all went to a talent show with several of the nearby congregations attending. Funny how American Idol has changed talent shows forever. Used to be people would do something clever or unique. Now all everyone wants to do is sing. And not everyone can sing well. And then each person would do more than one song, which is OVERKILL if they can't stay in tune. Especially when the volume on the microphones was way way too loud. Nice time for all of the kids, though, they had fun dancing and playing to the music. I was just glad to get home and have a normal Monday after all of the stuff we did over the weekend.

Next Monday I start my new group of students! I'm very excited, I'll be busy through the Summer to August at least, I hope. Then if not, I'll go back to working at B&N if they'll have me. Been there so long, they have to, right?

Sounds familiar.....

A far more accurate account of the events of that fateful morning...

Baby bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table He looks into his small bowl. It is empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?' he squeaks.

Pappa Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?!?' he roars.

Mamma Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, 'For God's sake, how many times do I have to go through this with you idiots? It was Mamma Bear who got up first. It was Mamma Bear who woke everyone in the house. It was Mamma Bear who made the coffee. It was Mamma Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and put everything away. It was Mamma Bear who swept the floor in the kitchen. It was Mamma Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch The newspaper and croissants. It was Mamma Bear who set the damn table.

'It was Mamma Bear who walked the bloody dog, cleaned the cat's litter tray, gave them their food, and refilled their water.

'And now that you've decided to drag your sorry bear-butts downstairs and grace Mamma Bear with your grumpy presence, listen carefully, because I'm only going to say this once....

'I HAVEN'T MADE THE F***ING PORRIDGE YET!!!'

Just found this, thought I'd share, I know that most of you will love it!

Best Wedding Toast Ever

(Pure magic begins at 1:48. Don't stop watching, I promise it's worth it!)

Amy's Song

From Amy: UNBELIEVABLE!!!! This is my Man of Honor's speech from my wedding on April 28, 2007 in Sanibel and Captiva Islands, Florida. In this magical moment, I seriously felt like my heart was going to explode! It is time to share this unbelievable brilliance with the world! It is a true testament to love, friendship, and catapulting life to new levels of amazing brilliance! Enjoy!



For those who can't see the link, go here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oy1uWAm4SnI&eurl=http://arbroath.blogspot.com/

I really appreciated this article from Dave Ramsey, as it's how I've been looking at the recession for a while now. Especially since Austin isn't getting hit (or going to be) like the rest of the country:

"I’m tired of hearing all the gloom and doom coming from the media about the economy and unemployment—I bet you are, too! Let’s take a minute to look at the true reality of the situation and what we can do about it.

Yes, many people have lost their jobs and houses. You may be one of them. But guess what? People have lost their jobs and houses even in a bull market. About 93% of people are still employed. That is pretty good! I was alive in the 1970s when unemployment hit double digits, and we’re nowhere near that right now! I’m not making light of the fact that some people are struggling; I’m just putting the situation in the proper perspective.

Even though you may be currently unemployed, that doesn’t mean you have to participate in the recession. People like me who have chosen to not participate acknowledge the reality of a slow economy and suffering people. However, we have decided that we’re not going to form our lives around the negativity coming out of the media and government. We’re intensifying our efforts and going to have the best year of our lives in spite of things slowing down.

Some people who find themselves unemployed will go into new careers or start their own businesses where they have the best year of their lives—professionally, financially and emotionally. Their current job losses are actually blessings in disguise. They believe this and are formulating game plans based on it. I guarantee there are men in their garages right now starting their own mechanic shops. The next Mary Kay Ash is writing up a business plan for new products she’s just created. College students are developing “the next best thing” in their dorm rooms as you are reading this. This is reality!

So think about your skills and interests. How can you leverage those passions into something you enjoy doing every day while earning money for it? If you haven’t lost your job but dread going to work, maybe it’s time to fire your employer and go in a new direction. When you have a game plan for your money and career, you will have a sense of empowerment because you aren’t a slave to the lender (or employer).

When employers start hiring because they believe their businesses will grow, recessions end. Many who have stopped hiring a healthy amount have been paralyzed by fear. They’ve lost hope. People who continue going about their lives in normal ways (without being irresponsible and buying stuff they can't afford) believe in the future. It’s called hope.

You can have fear or hope. It's your choice.

I choose hope."

And-

Seven Steps if you've lost your job, or think you might:

"Remember, it's not the end of the world


A job loss is not the end of the world. For many people, it’s just the launching pad to a new, more fulfilling career.

It can also be a great time to re-prioritize the plan for your money—or actually create a plan.

Here are seven things to get you started on a plan that works—in the good times and bad.

1. Stop paying extra on your debt. If you've been attacking your debt snowball like crazy, refocus that money and momentum to save a big emergency fund.
2. Sock away the extra money to build up your emergency fund. If you get a severance, make it a part of your shopping emergency fund.
3. Do a budget. Download free budgeting forms. Focus on your necessities first—food, shelter, utilities, transportation, and basic clothing. The creditors can wait.
4. Cut way back on your lifestyle. Home-cooked meals and library books should become the norm.
5. Cut up the credit cards. Nothing good can come from using them. If you don’t have the cash, don’t buy!
6. Get a part-time job. Yes, they are available. Do everything you can to still generate some income until you find a new full-time job.
7. Think about your skills and decide if now is the time to start a small business or change careers. Your options are limitless!

Some people who find themselves unemployed will go into new careers or start their own businesses where they have the best year of their lives—professionally, financially and emotionally. Their current job loss is actually a blessing in disguise. That’s how they are looking at the situation and formulating a game plan based on it. It’s the best outlook anyone can have!

If you haven’t lost your job but dread going to work, maybe it’s time to fire your employer and go in a new direction. When you have a game plan for your money and career, you will have a sense of empowerment because you aren’t a slave to the lender (or employer).

Go! Make something happen!"

http://www.daveramsey.com/etc/newsletters/company/022709.cfm?ectid=cnl0903.2_06#1
http://www.daveramsey.com/etc/cms/lost_your_job_11755.htmlc



.............................................................................................

And on another completely different note, I just got home from an interview with Robin, my mother and Certified ISR Instructor with the Austin Statesman! She had four students demonstrate ISR skills, including the Worm, and the parents were interviewed as well. I'm really looking forward to the article! The reporter said that it'll be out in two weeks, probably on March 16th, which also happens to be the start date for my new students!

Very exciting!

I really enjoyed this poem I read in the New Yorker online, and wanted to share (yes, some of you may be a little put off by it or not understand, i.e. men, sorry):

Crowning
by Kevin Young

Now that knowing means nothing,
now that you are more born
than being, more awake
than awaited, since I’ve seen
your hair deep inside mother,
a glimpse, grass in late
winter, early spring, watching
your mother’s pursed, throbbing,
purpled power, her pushing
you for one whole hour, two,
almost three, almost out,
maybe never, animal smell
and peat, breath and sweat
and mulch-matter, and at once
you descend, or drive, are driven
by mother’s body, by her will
and brilliance, by bowel,
by wanting and your hair
peering as if it could see, and I saw
you storming forth,
taproot, your cap of hair half
in, half out, and wait, hold
it there, the doctors say, and
she squeezing my hand, her face
full of fire, then groaning your face
out like a flower, blood-bloom,
crocussed into air, shoulders
and the long cord still rooting
you to each other, to the other
world, into this afterlife
among us living, the cord
I cut like an iris, pulsing,
then you wet against mother’s chest
still purple, not blue, not yet
red, no cry,
warming now, now opening
your eyes midnight
blue in the blue-black dawn.

But don't have to, as I have my reward already....I've lost almost 30 pounds now (40 to go)! This Atkins diet thing is really working out and I'm loving the results. Doesn't hurt that I'm also swimming quite a lot. Then A gets home from taking the Worm out yesterday afternoon, and hands me a Wii Fit! I'm so excited! Actually, what am I doing on here? I have to go get my sweat on while kiddo is napping!

Not going to write much here, just share some photos, but good grief it's been a crazy week! Last Friday A's little brother Jason finally came home from Baghdad, Iraq, for good! The family is extremely excited, but not as much as his woman Amanda, I'm sure. Saturday and Sunday was a convention in San Antonio, and the Worm had a great time seeing his friends during the lunch break and running around the gardens. I enjoyed the programs and was very appreciative for them, even though it is exhausting trying to placate a toddler who has sat in the car for two hours on the way there, then is expected to sit in his seat for the rest of the day. *sigh* Monday my Dad had knee replacement surgery, I need to get a few shots of his bandages and all for my little sis so that she can share in the fun. Ew. He's recovering quite well. Both Monday and Tuesday I had to leave the house by 6:45am and didn't get back before 7:00pm. Mom of course had to go to the hospital with Dad and to bring him home the next day, so I took over her students those two evenings. Exhausting. And one of her students pulled the elastic out of my swim shirt I wear to teach, so now I have to get another one or else look like a hobo in the water. Wednesday I took care of Dad, made him his meals, and hung out around their place all day. Yesterday and Today I finally was able to bring the Worm back home for him to nap in his own bed. This is important, people. Toddlers do their best when on a normal schedule, and five days away from home is stressful on him and myself. He's back to normal though, thankfully. Myself, I've got a TON of housework to catch up on. This place is a wreck. No easy going Saturday for me, I'll be scrubbing and tossing and folding and sweeping all day. Eh. Anyway, as I promised, here's some photos:

Portrait of Daddy, by the Worm



Wearing his oh-so-expensive rocker shirt that his Granny Tammy bought him





Jason, finally home, and his thankful woman Amanda



With grandparents Tammy and Jerry (wouldn't look at the camera, little stinker)



All dressed up for the convention (again, in an outfit Tammy got him, she's so generous!)









Mummy's junior Robert Redford





Playing with the hordes of children brimming over with pent-up energy



Distributing hugs (not a shy kid at all)



And making girlfriends

Here you go mommies - a different kind of survey - it's all about your first born! Just copy and paste it in a new note for yourself!

Let's see how much you remember!

1. WAS YOUR FIRST PREGNANCY PLANNED?
In a way

2. WERE YOU MARRIED AT THE TIME?
yes

3. WHAT WERE YOUR REACTIONS?
Stunned but happy

4. WAS ABORTION AN OPTION FOR YOU?
Never.

5. HOW OLD WERE YOU?
26 when he was born.

6. HOW DID YOU FIND OUT YOU WERE PREGNANT?
I had a dream the night before Thanksgiving 2005 about me with a little boy. Took the pregnancy test on Thanksgiving day and did a mini freak out when it was positive. I didn't tell hubby for two days!

7. WHO DID YOU TELL FIRST?
My little sister wormed it out of me.

8. DID YOU WANT TO FIND OUT THE SEX?
Yes, but I knew it was a boy.

9. DUE DATE?
July 29th 2006

10. DID YOU HAVE MORNING SICKNESS?
Not really

11. WHAT DID YOU CRAVE?
I was pregnant in Texas in the Summer. I craved anything cold. Especially slushies, frozen custard, watermelon, cantelope.

12. WHO/WHAT IRRITATED YOU THE MOST?
Lack of sleep when kiddo decided to worm around at night.

13. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CHILD'S SEX?
boy

14. DID YOU WISH YOU HAD THE OPPOSITE SEX OF WHAT YOU WERE GETTING?
I did until I saw him. Then I knew he was exactly what I wanted, didn't care about anything else.

15. HOW MANY POUNDS DID YOU GAIN THROUGHOUT THE PREGNANCY?
45 I think

16. DID YOU HAVE A BABY SHOWER?
yes - 4!

17. WAS IT A SURPRISE OR DID YOU KNOW?
I knew about all of them...

18. DID YOU HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS DURING YOUR PREGNANCY?
Absolutely none, just a hard labor.

19. WHERE DID YOU GIVE BIRTH?
Austin Area Birthing Center

20. HOW MANY HOURS WERE YOU IN LABOR?
20 hours of HARD BACK LABOR (yes, the WHOLE time)

21. WHO DROVE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL?
Anthony

22. WHO WATCHED YOU GIVE BIRTH?
Anthony, my mother, the midwife

23. WAS IT NATURAL OR C-SECTION?
Natural

24. DID YOU TAKE MEDICINE TO EASE THE PAIN?
Nope.

27. HOW MUCH DID YOUR CHILD WEIGH?
7 lbs 2 oz.

28. WHEN WAS YOUR CHILD ACTUALLY BORN ?
August 6, 2006

30. WHAT DID YOU NAME HIM/HER?
Elijah Donald. Elijah for Anthony's great uncle who lives in Tulsa, Donald for Anthony's maternal grandfather who died the year before.

31. HOW OLD IS YOUR FIRST BORN TODAY?
Almost at the 2 1/2 mark!

This is amazing, and well worth watching for the whole six minutes! (And the Pink Floyd music at the beginning makes me long for another evening of playing Dark Side of the Moon and staring at the stars.....*sigh*)



For those of you who can't see the link above:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mcBV-cXVWFw&eurl=http://tywkiwdbi.blogspot.com/search?updated-max=2008-11-03T16%3A32%3A00-06%3A00&max-results=50

It should be named the "Humble" instead of the "Hubble", at least, that's how I felt when I saw this video....